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Can you remember what your life was like, how it was different - to you internally - a week ago... a month, a year... 5 years?
I often say that I cannot remember past last week.
Why did I stay so long in that relationship when it was unfulfilling? What caused me not to be able to say "no" or "enough"?
Without hard facts available to me, I have great difficulty in analysing the past. The only thing that keeps the past from forever falling away - I sometimes think - are photography, and Events That Matter.
ETMs are those rare, spontaneous points in ones life where an abrupt change of directions occurs. Driving past work - for 500 miles. Becoming a vegetarian - for no real reason. Chopping a foot off of your hair. Kissing a complete stranger halfway up a tree - and then marrying that stranger.
I dread carefully planned things. Somehow, they leave exactly the expected taste in my mouth. When I do gather the courage to act (which is not often), I often act in big ways.